so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
