Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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