FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
