the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
