omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
