Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
