some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They took my balls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
