First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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