i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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