I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
