I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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