they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
