I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm like, not good at living.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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