I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
