No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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