he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
