You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
