how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
