I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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