Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
