he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
