you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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