I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i think i just lost a toe
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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