I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How naked do you want me to be?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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