Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
