So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
