This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
