she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dear god my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
