i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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