no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
