I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
