Where did you get a picture of my penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
