i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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