genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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