Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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