The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize