I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
