i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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