worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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