my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
