can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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