WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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