First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
