I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you win again, gameday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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