You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
