you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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