ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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