Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
