I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
