Michael Bay diarrhea
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
