How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Congratulations! We have a period
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