Umm I'm too high to move.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
