1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
