Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
