if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
