Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
