How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
