dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
