I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
