At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
