My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
