I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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