Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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