finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
