? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
