my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
