I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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