If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
