shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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