She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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