you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
