You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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