there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
