Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I touched a dick in church today
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