addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
