Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
