I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
