I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
