Barsexuality is the new black.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
