when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize