And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
