the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
