I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ttyl tear gas
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
