watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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